People have an incredible capacity to look at their lives and imagine something better....and with that imagination create a desire...and with that desire create a goal...and with that goal create...well often...just a lot of hot air! Whatever the aim, our personal goals often symbolise our desire for something more in our lives, and it can be deeply disappointing when we get stuck somewhere between the desire, and the realisation of the goal we profess to want so much. Getting ourselves unstuck is possible, but often depends on where we assign the control.
Disappointment provides a fertile ground for denial, which can make it hard to accept that 'we' may be the biggest barrier to our own success. It's also understandable (though a waste of time), why many seek comfort in externalising the blame on something, or someone else. There are many reasons why we don't always achieve our goals, but the most futile usually involve the endless cycle of doing the same thing over and over again without success; blaming others for our failures; or simply expecting the universe to help us miraculously achieve them!
Exasperating universe...why won't you help us humans achieve our goals!!
There are few 100% guarantees in life, but when it comes to goals, there are many circumstances within your control, that you just might be overlooking. It's our perspective (the way we personally frame a situation) that often creates the illusion that situations are out of our control, and the changing of our perspective (by reframing the situation) that can often reignite our momentum. Reframing a situation can provide a fresh perspective, one that helps you see the direct effect of your behaviours on a situation, and opportunities to make changes. This process can be powerful, as it can help you cultivate self-belief and demonstrates that you, rather than the universe, have a great deal of control!
Reframing a situation can provide a fresh perspective, one that helps you see the direct effect of your behaviours on a situation, and opportunities to make changes.
So if progress toward one of your goals is losing traction then you have a choice...leave it to the universe to resolve and wait for the miracle to occur (insert chirping cricket sound here), or try reframing your view of the situation, explore the effects of your behaviours, and identify opportunities for change. If you prefer the latter, then try the following six steps to get your momentum going again:
For example, consider Hugo, a finance professional, who had a goal of being a competent and respected leader. After securing his first leadership role, Hugo believed he was on his way to achieving his goal, but after 8 months into his role he had lost momentum. He felt as though he had been doing all the right things and should have been enjoying some success by now, and as his disappointment built, he locked himself into a negative spiral of blaming others for his situation. Using the six steps to reframe his perspective and try to reignite his momentum, encouraged Hugo to make one simple, yet effective change to his behaviour.
1. Write down the goal you're trying to achieve: Be a competent and respected leader.
2. Write down where you are in relation to that goal: I do not feel I am achieving my goal of being a competent and respected leader, because when I facilitate team meetings, my team is not engaged. Since starting to lead the team, team meetings have become progressively worse, with simple nods, and reluctant mumbles from team members, but no discussions.
3. Write down why you think you are there: I am not achieving my goal of being a competent and respected leader because members of my team do not want to speak up, or contribute during team meetings. It's hard to be a leader when your team doesn't speak in meetings.
4. Reframe why you think you are there (focusing on your behaviours) and write down your reframed view: I am not achieving my goal of being a competent and respected leader because despite knowing that my team largely comprises quietly spoken, conscientious people, who are uncomfortable with being put on the spot, I push them to answer questions for which they aren't prepared and this causes them to disengage at meetings.
5. Write down one thing you could change in your behaviours, to help achieve your goal: The one thing I could change to increase engagement at team meetings and the likelihood of achieving my goal, is to email team members 2-3 key questions I'll be asking at the team meeting, at least 3 days in advance of the meeting. This should give them a chance to prepare their responses, and ultimately improve team engagement at meetings.
6. Implement and review: After making that one change of emailing questions in advance, I enabled team members to come to our meetings better prepared and contributions to the meetings have grown. With greater team engagement, I feel more in control and more confident in my leadership...this has also improved the morale of my team.
It was through reframing that Hugo realised that he was initially externalising the cause of the problem, and consequently giving away his control. His reframing encouraged him to make one small change in his behaviour, that reignited momentum toward realising his goal.
Goal achievement can be tough at the best of times, and you could be forgiven for getting disheartened along the way...but if you have realistic goals that symbolise the opportunity for something better in your life, then pursue them with vigour! If your momentum lags, try reframing the situation to better understand the effect of your behaviours, and the opportunities for you to make changes. Always remember, when it comes to goals, you, rather than the universe, have the most control!
About the Author: Jo-Anne Niemann.
Jo-Anne is the Founder and Principal Consultant of Change Builders Consulting, she specialises in performance and career coaching; customised learning and development; and organisational development.